Mums: Keep Calm, It’s Just Social Media
Seriously what’s with mums and forcing their opinions on other mums, yes we do that all the time. Mum pages on social media are the best and worst places to find help, you go there seeking help and advice but sooner than later, the post is turned into something else. Best because you will get some sensible answer, but worst because those sensible answers are buried among 84 other comments that will not help you much. Every single mum who comments has an explanation and a reason. If you are like me then all the information leaves you more confused than before.
So a mum will go on facebook and ask, “I have been trying to move my baby 1 year from our bed because he breastfeeds the whole night and I have to go to work the next day, I am exhausted, how did mums move their babies from their beds, please help before I go crazy, TIA.” Yes that TIA is always there, before I knew what it means; I used to think how rude of you to ask for advice and end with This Is Africa! You could have ended it at please help, that TIA right there made me think they were spiting my advice, till I later learned that it’s Thanks In Advance, but also depending on how the question or statement was put it could also mean That Is All.
Replies to the mum
Mum 1: I know, just hang in there mama, it gets easier.
Mum 2: F (no this is not the F word it means following, this mum is in the same predicament and wants to know what to do as well)
Mum 3: We moved our baby at 3 years just 1 month before I gave birth, bed sharing was worth it and I will bed share with my SB (Second Born) for as long. Don’t deny them the chance to bond with you.
Mum 4: You can start by putting him in his cot during the day and see how he takes it, then when he accepts it during the day, then you can start putting him there at night, it is a lot of work but you have to be consistent, they learn eventually.
Mum 5: Why do you want to stop breastfeeding? The benefits of breastfeeding are so great, greater than your need for sleep. Jikaze mama, no one said it was easy, but it is always worth it.
Mum 6: My husband had to move to the other room because our baby has refused to move from our bed, they are babies for a while and after that they are gone.
Mum 7: Go cold turkey on him, put him in his bed tonight and even though he cries, don’t put him back to your bed, have someone else give him milk when he wakes up at night, you can introduce something else to soothe him like a teddy bear, his favourite toy or a blankie but be very consistent, in a week or so he will get the new routine and you will all sleep well, pole mama, I went through the same thing until I said enough was enough, it’s time to take care of myself.
The following Comments are replies to mum 7
Reply 1: I would never do that to my child, after the labour pains I swore to protect them even if it means losing sleep for the rest of my life.
Reply 2: You are such a cold mum, that baby must have esteem issues, how do you just throw them out of your room.
Reply 3: I did the same and it worked, I advice mums the same, anyway kila Nyani na starehe zake
Reply 4: You signed up for motherhood, you should have been prepared for the work that comes with it, sleepless nights included
Mum 8: That is why I put my baby in his own bed from day 1, I did not want the trouble of having to move beds and sijui breastfeeding through the night. Besides I had had a CS and I was not about to sleep on one side, find certain angles to make sure that we all fit in bed, I value my comfort. And all you self righteous mums who think you have to co-sleep with your baby to show that you love them don’t comment on this because I love my baby I was just not going to hurt myself in the process. Happy Mummy Happy Baby my baby is one of the happiest babies and I did not co-sleep.
Replies to Mums 8
Reply 1: how did you do that, I am pregnant and hope to put them in their own cot from day 1 hope it works.
Reply 2: You did not have to call us self-righteous to make your point, I co-slept with my baby and they are happy too, do you know the benefits of co-sleeping?
Mum 9: We just bought a bigger bed and now that I a pregnant, I think it’s time to move our 2.8 year old who loves our bed, I am not even thinking about the transition because I know it will be such a fight, she has taken over our bed and wakes up so early you would think she is going to work. I hope taking her to school will make her accept her bed. These kids can just terrorise your life, we tried moving her but the crying was too much so we gave up. My husband often blacks out on the couch because the moment you enter bed she is wide awake and starts stories, but I have gotten used to it now, baba wacha ajipange for now.
Mum 10: move him from your room, and let someone else take care of him when he wakes up, if you can get a relative especially your mother or MIL (Mother In Law) that will be nice, I don’t trust those househelps to wake up and take care of my baby.
Replies to Mum 10
Reply 1: I know, I had to let go of my housie 2 days ago, I am looking for one salary 6K does anyone know someone, any referrals?
Reply to reply 1: how can you pay someone 6k and you are leaving them with your precious gift, no wonder some of you are always looking for a househelp, with that kind of money you can’t get a good one.
Reply 1 to reply on her reply: If I could afford more than that you think I wouldn’t do it? That’s all my pocket and salary can afford at the moment. Kama hauna mtu nyamaza! Some women are always looking to get famous on other people’s post. Phahahaha!
Mum 23: I hope you got helped mama, in the same boat.
Mum 45: How do you have get intimate with your husband when you sleep in the same bed and room with your baby? Some things I can’t no wonder I kicked our baby out of our room at 6 months and he was in his cot from day 1, my bed is for me and my man period!
reply 1: Who said the bedroom is the only place?
reply 2: Kwani you have to be noisy, you learn the art of silently enjoying
reply 3: There is a reason the statement is, ‘slept like a baby,’ they sleep through it and I am pregnant with our SB and we have been co-sleeping.
reply 4: Be adventurous, kwani people who live in one roomed houses and have children do it how?
reply 5: wamama wengine haki! you think the bedroom is the only place, hata bafu ni room tho! yawa.
reply 17: Don’t crucify her, she probably loves her bed and would rather do it in her room, to each their own.
reply 22: Mums! THIS IS SOCIAL MEDIA, ITS NEVER THAT SERIOUS!
This goes on and one and when the conversation is finally wrapped up or when other posts come along and this one is pushed further down and no longer has comments
Mum 65: This group has become something else, instead of helping a mother who is not able to sleep, all you can tell her is vumilia. Here is my opinion, try the good advice and see if it works, I like the slowly move them to their bed during the day, but I also agree with @mum7, sometimes being tough with them works, try that and see how it goes. A baby should be able to sleep through the night after weaning, from 6 months that is, and through the night means for a solid 10 hours, if he wakes up give water and if possible have someone else give it to him so he doesn’t smell the milk off you and want to breastfeed.
Be consistent, don’t do the tough method today and then you give in tomorrow, just make sure that what you go with you are consistent, it will be hard at the beginning but it gets easier with time, I know it sounds like a dream right now but you can and will get your sleep back if you stick to what you are teaching him. Remember he is a baby and doesn’t know much, it is your responsibility to teach him otherwise he will create a pattern and routine that you are not willing to go with and will not work for you.
Also create an evening routine for your baby, so that he knows what to expect, so he knows when mum comes from work, we play, I breastfeed, I shower, she gives me a massage, lights out, I breastfeed and then sleep. This makes them predict what to expect and makes the new routine easier to implement rather than today they sleep at mid night and the next day you are trying to put them down at 8 pm. Babies, just like us thrive on routine and if its broken over and over then they are frustrated and they will create their own routine. Remember routine is discipline and you want to raise a disciplined child… All the best mama.
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