Im-Perfect Motherhood

 



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I met with a lady the other day and she asked me, where did you learn about motherhood? You do it with so much grace, I read your articles online and I wonder where you learned all that? I have visited a couple of friends with kids and they are nowhere near where you are and you only have one? I would have sworn you have 5 because of all the knowledge and ease you portray on your blog!

The look on my face was priceless as she went on to tell me and give me examples of things I have shared about my son. Now I have to admit that my son is very intelligent, no not the kind that every parent thinks their baby is intelligent; the kind that parents will ask me how old is your son? Eh he is younger than my son/daughter and my son/daughter does not even know that. Did you take him to school early? Kind of intelligent. The kind that will tell me ‘Mama I want to go to the media centre’ I never knew what media centre is until I was in campus forgive my growing up in Murang’a.

Now we took him to school because he was proving to be too intelligent and so we decided before he learns Luhya we might as well have him perfect his English first. Talking with a friend I told her that he can actually remember 99% of the things you tell him for the first time, she told him to say the word Hypothalamus, “hyposalamas” to this day he will announce that he wants to see ‘Hyposalamas’. This was not a post about my son and his super brain, which I hope, will stay for a while, feels nice to raise a genius, the pressure! It’s about the fact that I do not glide through motherhood,

I have fumbled like all mums, I have done guesswork like all of us, I have tried and failed and if my blog posts suggest otherwise then maybe its coz I share my victories because who wants to share their failures all the time anyway? It is much easier for me to tell you how to potty train and it works the first time than subject you to the fact that we had a potty for 4 months before he even sat on it. It is easier for me to tell you about how I sleep trained and it worked rather then tell you about the 50 times we tried to see which sleep training would work with him. You get my point.

I have not gotten to tell you that my housie feeds him all meals because he will not eat more than 3 spoons when I am with him and I have to delay going home because the boy will suddenly get full the moment I enter the house. Over the weekend, I think he eats because he realises that he will starve, this mother will never force you to eat. I have not told of the times I have felt like giving up on being a mother and just walk away and never come back because my world was falling apart and there was this little one who still wanted my attention 24/7, wanted my love yet I had none to give, wanted me yet I was wasted. I will tell you how I have embraced the chaos in the house and a dirty house from my OCD self because I realised I can’t be all, nobody died for having dirty dishes in the sink.

I have flipped, I have shouted at the boy I have almost pulled my hair, I have literary pulled my hair. So no I am not as graceful as I may seem. I have sent him outside to play coz I wanted to catch a few minutes of day nap. I am one of those mums who allows her child to go to our neighbors house, granted I know you and your children because I believe that it takes a village to raise a child. I have been dazed as he talked to me and never even realised my mind had wondered off in the middle of a conversation with him. I have said NO with the ‘because mama said no’ explanation which we all know is not good. I have to admit I have put in a lot of work with the boy. I have been very consistent when I needed him to learn something, I sang it, I preached it every minute, I never let it slip and I repeated over and over. I have given him space to explore but I have put boundaries.

I have given in to his impatience and his whining even when I knew it was manipulation because I wanted peace and not have to go through the motions of crying, explaining or even spanking. I will give him chocolate every once in a while I will let him have a lolly pop every now and then. I will buy a toy so we don’t fight. No I do not give in to his cry all the time but I will not always say no. I have finally taught him how to share after trying for what seemed like forever to me, reminding him over and over that good boys share.

When all is said and done, I do love this boy, a Mother’s Love can never be replaced. Oprah Winfrey’s fav quote on Motherhood  ‘Biology is the least of what makes you a mother.’ This means being a good mother is a choice we make everyday not just because we gave birth to our children but because we have embraced the choice to lead them as well.

What is your Message of Love to your child/children, go to the Downy Kenya page of Facebook, send your MOL and stand a chance to win amazing prizes including school fee for 1 year.





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