Dear Friends of New Mums
My article today is dedicated to friends of new moms. I am always writing about being a mother and new baby and everything to do with mother, father and baby never friends and family of new mother. So today I shall address you, say yeah! But just before you do your dance here goes #myopinon
You probably have the best of intentions when you go to visit a new mother, either soon after birth or a couple of weeks at home. So depending on what the new mother went through, she might want to talk about it but trust me there are mothers who just want to keep the details out and that is perfectly fine. Also gauge your level of friendship before you call or visit and start yapping asking all those questions. NB. Remember this does not apply to every new mother.
So here is what not to say to or ask a new mom.
How was labour, it was a walk in the park, felt like I was just cramping then coughed and viola! baby came. If you have googled, you know it hurts like crazy and the last thing I want to do is narrate to you in detail about how I was feeling like dying for 21 hours.
Was it normal or CS? If I do not offer this information freely, then let it rest, my close friends and those who I feel need to know already know if it was a CS or a normal birth. Hang around I might tell my story but do not ask me if I was a natural.
If it was normal birth they will say congratulations and if it was a CS, the next questions is why? The last thing you want to explain is why you had a CS, and you can almost feel them judging you as being weak for not having a normal birth. Seriously,
Then you conclude with all that matters is that the baby is healthy, and I am dying out of pain and frustration and disappointment is perfectly okay. Thanks I totally feel your support
I should plan for my CS when I get pregnant, after having a CS, the last thing you want people to think is that it is way easier than a normal birth coz it is not. The wound takes forever to heal, the pain is intense and very itchy. So if you plan on having a CS, please keep that to yourself and not make me feel like I choose to have it.
Do not go on yakking about how easy your births were and how short your labour was.
How comes your tummy is still big? I refrain from commenting on this and even 6 months later do not ask, it will still be offensive then.
You will soon forget it and want another child, three months, just give it time. SHUT UP, seriously!
If you decide to visit at home, do not expect to be waited on like a visitor at the white house. Go to the kitchen find something to drink do not demand my attention, I am either with baby or needing to sleep and you can come and just sit with baby and let me have 15 minutes of rest or even take a 30 minute shower. The shower time is very precious when baby comes, 10 minutes feels like a privilege.
So what can you say
Compliment the baby
Ensure mother feels you care for her and baby and not just details of her birth
Ask her if she needs anything but do not ask her to call if she needs help, she won’t.
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