3 months rule does not apply to friends
Avoid visitors for the first 3 months, this is advice I have read over and over, heard over and over and for some reason I do not agree with it. Here is the scenario, you are pregnant and everyone is asking you when you are due, you share your due date and some even do the count down with you. You eventually let everybody know that labour has kicked in please pray for me and they do, then your bundle of joy finally comes and everybody sends in their messages of congratulations, a few come to see you at the hospital. After 3-5 days, you are sent home and you are you, your new baby, husband and a house help if she decided to stay after realising you are actually getting a baby.
Your host of friends remember they have been told over and over again that you should give the new mum at least 3 months to bond with the baby. Your husband goes back to work after 2 weeks of paternity leave and you are left with your baby and house help. So as the days go by, the phone calls from friends keep getting less frequent because they can only ask you about the baby and how you are doing, they have not seen you since they day at the hospital for about 30 minutes between their lunch break.
You are isolated, not out of choice but because we are giving you time with the baby. You crave adult conversation, you crave girl chat, girls time, you crave to talk about your last trip to coast, but now with friends giving you time and space you are left with a crazy routines and trying to figure out everything and feeling lost at the same time.
If your friend has given birth, this is how you can be there for her without getting her overwhelmed with your visit.
- You are not a visitor when you go to her house, get there, clean up, cook her favourite meal, wait on her, hold the baby as she takes a nice long warm birth, these become rare in the first 3 months.
- Go when she needs to go for a walk and or sun the baby or bath time and help her prepare the bath. Carry the water, get everything ready, pick up after her and when she puts baby down, give her a cup of hot chocolate as she regains her strength.
- Don’t bombard her with questions about how labour was etc. let her talk, let her bring up be it memories or dreams. You are more helpful bring up conversations about life other than baby, labour, birth etc.
- If she is tired, take care of the baby and let her take her nap, 30 minutes could be all she needs to regain her strength and sanity. You can walk the baby at that point, just sit outside and enjoy the breeze and give the new mum a break.
- If you are a mum, this is not the time to give her all the info and things that worked for you, if she asks answer but don’t go n and on, remind her that she is the best mom to her baby. Just remind her that you are there whenever she needs.
- Don’t visit with any expectations, you might be thinking that it will be like old times it most likely will not, you might sit in the bedroom the whole time and wait on yourself and her unlike before.
- If you have not talked to the mother in months and just learnt from facebook that she got a baby, then wait for 3 months before you go to her house, she might have the pressure of having to entertain you and rekindle the friendship, which is overwhelming as she is trying to learn this new baby as well.
So friends of new mums, the wait for 3 months rule before you visit does not apply to you.
We are hosting a baby shower on Nov 28th for 20 mums only, book your space and see you there =)
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