Motherhood: 1 Month Later



The other day a friend sent me a message saying that I make child carrying, birth and raising them seem so easy. Give me tips.
Well, when you receive that message at about 8pm and your baby has been wailing since 6 and they were supposed to have slept at 7 and you have run dry of milk and you showered but forgot to brush your teeth and your toddler is pulling on your clothes trying to negotiate bedtime and you are wondering what the hell could be the problem with your 25 day old baby because according to the book, if they are well fed, dry diaper and no discomfort them they should sleep like a baby, you question how you see the world.

You defy all advice about not rocking your baby and you start rocking, walking her, humming, anything that will help her go down, because you know she is tired, she is tired because she barely slept during the day and should be asleep by now, well, that is what she has been doing, blacking out immediately after bath. She is tired, you are tired, tired because even when your househelp offered to hold her during the day so you could sleep, sleep could not come because a little whimper from her and you woke up.

Then you massage her tummy, she farts, she burps and then blacks out even before you lift her from the table into your arms.

Damn you gas!

Then buzz buzz your whatsapp message is delivered and your friend thinks you are super mum. Someone get me some tissues.

No it’s not all easy and if it seems so, it’s a social media half-truth.

This girl is pretty, I actually stare at her often because I can’t believe that a small human can be that beautiful, I stare at her when she is nursing and immediately she sleeps. I think about her and how pretty she is, she is my WCW all week every time.

That is the truth.

The other truth is, I dread when she wakes up, because I know we are in for a marathon, I don’t like her tears face, not pretty at all.

I know most of us have watched that video of some mother who was beating up her new-born, she throws her on the bed. That image comes to my head often when Maya is nursing, not that I want to beat her up, but for the first time I feel for the mum, I know that not knowing what to do to a wailing baby can make you go crazy. Post-Partum depression

The truth is, when you are on night duty every single night for a month, you burn out.

The truth is, when you are on night duty, every single night and trying to nurse a CS wound that is so sore, you cease to live, just a little, you survive, every morning you wake, it’s thank God I survived the night, let the day begin.

The truth is, when she wakes up at 3 am and your toddler decides to wake up at that hour also, you want to pull your hair.

“Mama what are you doing to my baby sister.” Mugi will ask

“She is tired, she needs to sleep”
“Don’t hold her like that, hold her well mama.” He orders

At this point I am trying to burp her on my laps and her brother at 3 am thinks I am the problem, I should just hold her properly and she will sleep.

I take him back to his room and tell him good night, I am so grateful at this point that I sleep trained him because I would probably go crazy, trying to put him to sleep and Maya as well.

The next time you see me put all together, know that it is pure grace to carry this motherhood responsibility and not crack. It’s those small wins that make me look forward to the next day, knowing that colic will be over in 3 months and in another not so many months, I shall be weaning, sleeping through the night and wondering what those first months were all about. It is the knowledge that this too shall pass that makes motherhood, child carrying, birth and raising them look so easy.

As for now, I salute all you new mums, I know what it feels like.


Happy Parenting


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